Mumbo Jumbo About Me.

As I previously said, I wasn't in the mood for blogging. I didn't feel like it. Shame on me as a blogger? Yes.
But what can I do... I've been having those mixed feelings about everything, its not even funny anymore.
I'm seriously mixed up. I don't know whether I'm in love, whether I'm over a break up I just had, am I ok? Am I adapting to Ukraine and might have no problem continuing here, or am I homesick... I've been listening to songs from last year and the year before, just because I missed the songs, and BAM!! Every song is related to some memory...

Good memories sure ruin songs for me! Because as good as those memories are, as bad as I feel when I get them because I know those good days won't come back, and what's even more annoying is that I hated my life back then! And I know that in some months' time, I'm gonna miss these days that I call crappy now. Life sometimes can be a bitch!

I just got lost in everything. Am I happy, am I bummed out... I don't know. I've been really moody these days.

I've also had a big share of happiness last week, it was one happy week for me, but then, whats next? What should I do? Theres a step I'm trying to take, and trying to convince myself that its the right decision, but again comes the fear, the fear of loosing, the fear of rejection, the fear of the awkwardness. Sometimes you don't wanna loose something really good that you have for a risk, that might or might not make your life better.

I don't know, its a chance, take it or leave it, and I'm confused. Till now I'm set on going for it, but I've been having a lot of second thoughts. So I still don't know.



Another thing, the state of laziness that I'm in. I'm in no mood to do anything (even if I'm in a good mood, I just don't wanna do anything serious). I might go out, hang out with my friends, but when it comes to seriousness I just wanna die. Its so stupid.

So that's me now, confused, lazy, happy and sad.
Got the reasons for the confusion, and the happiness, but I still can't nail down why I'm lazy and sad. I guess it sometimes just happens. I don't know. But I hope it all goes away soon. I wanna be left with just happiness, I haven't been happy in a long time I think I deserve some happiness now. Aaaah I know I over-think a lot of things, but thats just me. I think a lot, sometimes its good and sometimes its just pain!

Ok enough with the old music now, let's live in the moment. (I tend to treat myself most of the time!)